sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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