i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
