I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
