also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
