Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
