No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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