I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
