wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
