Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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