We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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