Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
