He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
