Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
