Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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