What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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