Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
