That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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