lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
