I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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