so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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