I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
