I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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