This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
