shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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