No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
