I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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