we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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