16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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