i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My dick has a subreddit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
