Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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