he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
