Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
