I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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