How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
