1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
