I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
