I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
