I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
