there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
