Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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