I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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