I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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