It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
