Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
