How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Congratulations! We have a period
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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