The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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