You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
