haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
