just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
