I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
